Editor’s note. This ran previously but so much has happened in the battle over chemical abortions that it seemed a perfect time to re-run this eye-opening story.
It is possible that any series of accounts of women who have undergone abortions may inadvertently accomplish the opposite of what proponents of “telling your story” believe it will. Instead of “de-stigmatizing” abortion, what we learn may make the average person even more skeptical of abortion, even more convinced it is a horrible “choice.”
A perfect example is a story in New York magazine which provided thumbnail sketches of the reasons 26 women had their abortion or abortions.
The overwhelming takeaway for me from Meaghan Winter’s story was sorrow. Abortion’s ugly truth is everywhere.
I was very much impressed with Winter’s introduction. Take this paragraph, for example:
“And yet abortion is something we tend to be more comfortable discussing as an abstraction; the feelings it provokes are too complicated to face in all their particularities. Which is perhaps why, even in doggedly liberal parts of the country, very few people talk openly about the experience, leaving the reality of abortion, and the emotions that accompany it, a silent witness in our political discourse. Even now, four decades after Roe, some of the women we spoke with would talk only if we didn’t print their real names.”
I appreciate that the intention is that the more women tell their stories, the less stigma will attach. It would be an oversimplification to say that stigma is the driving force behind many of these women’s feelings. In many cases, it seems that deep regret is the underlying emotion.
It is for this reason that, upon reading the stories in their entirety, one is left with a sense of deep empathy and regret for the women involved.
I would like to share three stories, along with a closing quotation from a fourth, but I encourage you to read them all here.
We begin with the story of Nicole, aged 19.
Her story is particularly illustrative. She believes that by terminating her pregnancy, she can demonstrate to her partner how much she cares for him. It seems clear that she is not in favour of the abortion.
The boyfriend vacillates, back and forth, back and forth. Nicole describes herself as “hysterical,” and he said, “Okay, you don’t have to go back” [to the abortion clinic]. I was quite pleased. Then he said, “We drove all this way.” “Please stop crying. Try to act like a woman.”
She is tired and decides to give in. And then, in a rather remarkable turn of events, some of the most remarkable 62 words you are likely ever to read:
“When I had the ultrasound, I asked for the picture and a nurse said, ‘Seriously?’ A month later, he said he regretted it too. When I cry about it, I cry alone. He thinks it would make me sad to talk about, but I don’t want our baby to think we forgot. I’ve never heard of anybody else having an abortion here.”
“I would like to ensure that our child understands that we haven’t forgotten.” I was moved to tears the first time I read this, and I am again now.
Another woman, who identified as Red, 30, shared her experience of not aborting her first unplanned pregnancy. She explained that she had decided not to terminate the pregnancy because she felt she could not abort a baby based on a decision she had made at the time.
The next time she decides to have an abortion, even though her boyfriend wanted to get married. (She feels that marriage would be too restrictive for her.) So she and her mother go to Planned Parenthood.
She writes,
“I told them I already had a baby. The doctor acted like it was assembly-line work. I told Steve I miscarried. We dated another year. The secret was devastating. People might be more understanding if I’d had an abortion when I was living in a car in an abusive relationship. This time, I was on birth control, with a full-time job, a boyfriend. People might think I should’ve kept it, but I couldn’t.”
I would be remiss if I did not mention another story, that of Heather, aged 32. She had already experienced two unplanned pregnancies, and it had never crossed her mind to terminate those pregnancies.
She has since undergone two abortions. Heather writes of her first abortion experience,
“I just had to shut my conscience down. The doctor was grotesque. He whistled show tunes. I could hear the vacuum sucking out the fetus alongside his whistling. When I hear show tunes now, I shudder. Later, he lost his license.”
Then
“A few months ago, I got pregnant again. My in-laws have been helping us out financially, so we have no choice but to involve them in our decisions. They gave us $500 cash to bring to the clinic. I felt very forced. I felt like I was required to have an abortion to provide for my current family. Money help is a manipulation. I’m crazy in love with my daughters—imagine if I did that to them? It’s almost too much to open the door of guilt and shame because it’ll all overcome me. In the waiting room, there was a dead silence that’s hard to describe. Everyone was holding in her emotions to a heartbreaking degree.”
Heather ends,
“Truly pro-life people should go light on the judgment, because shame motivates abortions.”
I believe that pro-lifers already do go “light on the judgment.” I have the privilege of knowing many pro-lifers, and I can say with confidence that they are a tender-hearted lot. Many have had the experience of an abortion in their extended families.
It is important to note that regardless of whether or not they have a personal experience, their objective is the same: to help a post-abortive woman heal, not to further hurt her.
I wonder if going “heavy” on the judgment could possibly help anyone or accomplish anything.
Over and over again, the stories weep with pain, regret, and remorse.
Perhaps the most thought-provoking comment of all came from “Alex, 24,” who began her story
“I’m pro-choice, but for some reason I still hold a stigma for people who’ve had multiple abortions, and yet I’ve had multiple.”
Chelsea Garcia is a political writer with a special interest in international relations and social issues. Events surrounding the war in Ukraine and the war in Israel are a major focus for political journalists. But as a former local reporter, she is also interested in national politics.
Chelsea Garcia studied media, communication and political science in Texas, USA, and learned the journalistic trade during an internship at a daily newspaper. In addition to her political writing, she is pursuing a master's degree in multimedia and writing at Texas.
