“There are no unwanted children, only unfound parents”

By Jean Garton

Editor’s note. The late Dr. Jean Garton, who passed away four years ago,  authored one of the enduring classics of pro-life literature: “Who Broke the Baby? What the Abortion Slogans Really Mean. ” For decades she was a frequent contributor to National Right to Life News and National Right to Life News Today. We periodically repost one of her fabulous essays.

Jean Garton

In a classroom of six-year-olds, the teacher was discussing a picture of a family. One of the children featured had a different hair color than did the other family members. A little girl in the class said maybe that was because the boy had been adopted.

“I know all about adoptions,” she said, “because I was adopted.” “What does that mean if you’re adopted?” asked a classmate. “It means,” said the little girl, “that you grew in your mommy’s heart instead of her tummy.”

In its defense of mother and unborn child, the pro-life movement has always been a strong proponent of adoption. Yet there are whole organizations that exist for the sole purpose of aborting the adoption option. They believe that babies are better dead than with parents who are not theirs by birth.

When the founder of an anti-adoption group was asked how she would counsel a teenage daughter who became pregnant, she said she would counsel her daughter “first to keep the baby, second to have an abortion, third to commit suicide, and only fourth to put the baby up for adoption.”

Why all the hostility? A National Review article once suggested several reasons including…

1. In order for abortion to be legal and accepted, the unborn child has to be seen as the woman’s property.

2. Every happy adoptee is a reminder to aborting mothers of the road not taken.

Adoption is a tried-and-true family-building option. Adoption, all in all, has served women, children, and society very well.

As one professional noted, “There are no unwanted children, only unfound parents.”

In the United States today there are millions of couples seeking to adopt. There are numerous reasons. Here are two.

First, the number of infertile couples in the U.S. exceeds one million, and even recent advances in reproductive technology can only help one in five. Second, America’s annual abortion rate of over one million drastically reduces the number of children available for adoption.

The desperation of childless couples is evident in ads which appear daily in newspapers across the country. The following are actual placements.

HELP! Our dream is of a small voice calling mommy and daddy. We are a warm, compassionate, financially secure and loving couple. Call us at _________.

HUGS, KISSES, & DREAMS await your newborn. Your child will be part of a warm, tender, and happy home. We are a loving and happily married couple who love sports and enjoy travel. Call Arlene and Jim at ________.

INFANT ADOPTION! We are two loving people waiting to love a third. We are dreaming of 2 a.m. feedings and buggy rides through the park. Your expenses paid. Call Sally and Jeff at ______.

Americans have increasingly been turning to other countries with the largest numbers now coming from Asia, in particular Korea, Vietnam, and China.

There are over 4,000 crisis pregnancy centers that offer supportive services. Yet all together they report that only 2% of their clients choose to place their child for adoption. Why?

The truth is that adoption is rarely presented as an option. Yet adoption serves all four parties well–the child, the biological mother, the adoptive parents, and society.

In addition, language has played a negative role in the adoption discussion. It is difficult for a young woman to see adoption as a positive solution when terms are used such as “giving up” or “giving away” her child instead of “making an adoption plan.”

In adoption what a mother “gives up” are parenting responsibilities which she is unable to provide her child. Adoption is looking after the interests of the child first, while providing specialized, sensitive counseling to help the hurting mother.

It is a pernicious myth that adopted children do not do as well in life as do children living with a biological parent.

Those who think it is harder to love an adopted child than a biological child couldn’t be more wrong. I know that first hand as the grandmother of those two adopted girls. Others know it, too.

A true story. When a young woman named Mary gave birth to her first child, her husband was on military duty, so she spent the first weeks after the child’s birth at her parents’ home. One day Mary mentioned to her mother that she was surprised that her baby’s hair was reddish when both she and her husband were blonde.

“Well, remember,” said her mother, “that your dad’s hair was once red.” “But, Mom,” said Mary, “that wouldn’t make any difference because I’m adopted.”

With a surprised smile her mother said, “I always forget.”