By Sarah Terzo
From a post-abortive woman who describes herself as “a feminist, a leftist, a liberally-educated eternal student” in her blog:
“I lost a baby, a baby that never got a name. Lost it on purpose, days after the thirty-fifth anniversary of Roe v. Wade. It was my first, one accident dropped into years of carefulness. I had wanted it in an abstract way for several years, but it came at a time that wasn’t right, and it didn’t have the father I would want to raise a child with. The feminist in me shrinks away from talking about the pain of that loss. Even though my heart believes I sent it back so it could return at a better time, there’s fountain of pain and a kind of aloneness I had never experienced that seems to gush interminably.
The interminable is relative, of course. Time has passed. I cry less. My body that for five weeks swelled in anticipation fits into my clothes again. I’m no longer avoiding the hugs of friends to protect my sore breasts.
I dream about the baby, the one with no name. In the dreams, I am overwhelmed with trying to find someone to help me care for it, of hearing it call the babysitter “mama” because its mother can never be there. When this happens, I feel like I made the right choice for myself and the children that will come. But I still grieve.”
She took the abortion pill at Planned Parenthood and describes her experience:
“I asked if I’d feel sick before taking the second round. It’s unlikely, they said. I woke up vomiting, and I vomited all day until I wished I were dead, especially knowing that I had to take pills that do cause nausea and vomiting. Severe cramping, bleeding, and more vomiting ensued within 30 minutes of taking the misoprostol. That was when I wished I could change my mind and have a surgical procedure instead. The unbearable pain continued for several hours, but eventually I was able to rest. I’ve since read in some forums that it goes on for hours and hours for some women. I can’t even imagine.
“A week later, I was experiencing significant pain and a fever, so I went back to PP. There, they diagnosed a uterine infection and gave me more antibiotics… Now I worry that the infection may have done enough damage to make conception difficult in the future. It’s really terrifying. And there’s nothing I can do about it. So, I’m taking care of myself, trying to get better, crying when I feel like it.”
From ‘The right choice’ leads to a ‘fountain of pain.‘ The Dawn Patrol, February 7, 2008.
Editor’s note. This appeared at Clinic Quotes and is reposted with permission.