By Dave Andrusko
The blog is titled, “Postabortion journey, walk with me: A story of hope and healing after abortion.“ Although the author stopped posting sometime ago, her poignant, heart-wrenching observations remain very much worth reading.
I would like to make just two observations, besides encouraging you to read the longings and candor of a woman who tells us that “At the tender age of 17, I walked across this bridge, alone, into Downtown Pittsburgh, with $300 in my pocket that my mother had given me to get an abortion.”
First, over the years I have read many, many accounts from women reflecting back on a decision they would give anything to take back. As you read, your heart goes out to them as they grapple with two realities: the honest conviction that God has forgiven them but their own lingering inability to accept that forgiveness.
It’s as if they tip toe right up to full acceptance of that forgiveness but retreat. At some level they are unable to believe that they can be forgiven—or (perhaps more accurately to their way of thinking) should be forgiven.
My other thought is that I was originally sent a link to her blog on what was then the one-year anniversary of when she “began this online journal of my journey.”
She tells us of how so many people “stumbled” across her blog as they looked for information on a whole host of subjects. Everything from those “looking for ultrasound pictures and how to tell male from female in utero, and down’s syndrome in utero, and malformations in utero” to those “searching for ways to help a post abortive woman, preaching on abortion, and similar search phrases” to those having trouble conceiving.
(As it happens the “odds were certainly against” her becoming pregnant, but she did—three times.)
In her anniversary entry, she began by reflecting (hoping?) that “this will be another step toward my independence of the impact this story has on my life today.” Clearly, as you read subsequent entries, there were still steps to go.
But we can pray that by now, she–and all the other women who suffer so grievously from that tragic decision–at last feels free of the guilt and shame and regret.