By Sarah Terzo
Renée Smith had an abortion when she was 18. She writes:
While I soon healed physically from the procedure itself, it has taken many years for me to heal emotionally and spiritually. Not long after having the abortion I became depressed and withdrawn. It became difficult to engage with my daughter or find joy or fun in anything. I also quickly jumped into another relationship within a few months with a man old enough to be my father…
I was looking for a way to drown out the memory of the abortion. Life had little meaning for me; I was trying to dull the pain of what I had done…
Two years later I got pregnant again. This time I gave birth to a baby boy. Financially, I was in no better place than when I became pregnant the prior time. But, having had an abortion before and still dealing with the emotional turmoil that the abortion brought about, I was determined not to abort my baby this time.
I never spoke about the abortion to anyone, not even my two children. Now, over 20 years later, when I hear certain sounds, like that of a vacuum sealer for food, I am immediately transported back to that moment when I ended my baby’s life. Some things don’t ever go away.
Sometimes, I’ll think about him/her and what age they’d be, what type of child or young adult they would have been. Whenever I see another child who is the same age as my unborn baby, I think that could be my child. Every year around the time of the abortion, I could feel a sense of sadness overtake me.”
Renée Smith, “Hope beyond Abortion: A Story of God’s Redeeming Grace (undated].