“The realisation dawned on me that I killed my baby”: Woman shares agonizing abortion experience

By SPUC—the Society for the Protection of Unborn Children

A woman has spoken out about her agonizing abortion experience, saying that by sharing her story she hopes help stop other women and girls being hurt by abortion. 

Freyja said: “The realisation fully dawned on me that I had killed my innocent baby. I felt like my world had ended. What had I done? My tears were endless in the coming days, weeks, and months.”

Speaking to Her Voicean online platform which provides women with a space to share their abortion stories, Freyja has discussed her crisis pregnancy and the emotions that burdened her following her abortion procedure.  

Freyja’s Story: “I feel like some support might have altered my decision”

Freyja said: “When I accidentally became pregnant, I was 27 and alone on holiday in a foreign country. I met a man there. When I found out I was pregnant it was a complete shock, as we had used one form of contraception, which had obviously failed…

“I felt overwhelmed, fearful, and anxious. My first thought was, ‘What will I do?’ Naturally, I decided to ring my mum first and tell her the news. She was furious and told me I had to sort it out myself.

“We went to get a full examination. It turned out I was 5 weeks pregnant and I got to see my baby for the first time on the ultrasound. They asked me if I planned to keep it and I answered that I wasn’t sure. But, I was very sick and felt like a termination was an increasing possibility.

“As the days went by, I spent most of my time trying to not think about it. As horrible as it sounds now, I just wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening. I only realise now that by doing so, I wasted time not facing the most important decision I had to make in my life so far.

“Eventually I went back to the clinic to enquire more about the termination procedure…I left with a booking to have a termination in a couple of days’ time.

“As the day approached, I suddenly backed out. I felt the best option would be to get it done in my home country, where I’d feel safer and more comfortable.

“My mum, on the other hand, was completely against me having the baby. She said we couldn’t afford it – we live together in rented accommodation on low income wages. If I continued the pregnancy, she told me I would have to move out and become a single mother. Of course, that was the response I expected from her. But looking back now, I feel like some support might have altered my decision.”

Freyja continued:

“I wish most of all that I could change the final part of my story. If I could, I wouldn’t be writing this for you now. Instead, I would be a first-time mother with her newborn son or daughter.

“I had the termination at 9 weeks of pregnancy.

“The operation was quick and painless. However, the day after I returned from hospital, I instantly felt something was very wrong. This pain in my heart was unbearable.

“The realisation fully dawned on me that I had killed my innocent baby. I felt like my world had ended. What had I done? My tears were endless in the coming days, weeks, and months.

Freya added: 

“Looking back now I just wish I had valued my baby’s life and said to myself, ‘I can do this no matter what!’

“Now I’ve had time to process everything and my due date has passed. I strongly feel that my baby’s life was more important. Yes, it was unplanned; and yes, I would have had to suffer through sickness; but all life is a precious gift.

“I hope by reading my experience other women in similar circumstances listen to their heart and don’t let anything get in the way of the only thing that actually matters – the life of your unborn child.”

Seeking support

The impact that abortion has upon the health of some women can be life-changing. Yet growing evidence suggests that women are not being fully informed and the consequences can be devastating.

If you, or anyone you know has been affected by abortion, please contact the Abortion Recovery Care and Helpline (ARCH) for free, non-judgemental, confidential support: 0345 603 8501 or email:info@archtrust.org.uk

If you would like to contact Her Voice, please email: hello@hervoice.org.uk